Not knowing that I had married a man with a history of anger problems, I have been living in fear since one month after my marriage. I would be shaken so hard on the shoulder when I accidentally added too much oil in my cooking. In despair, I tried leaving the house for a while. Upon returning I was told that if I do that again, he would not allow me to come home.

His anger got worse when I started having children. One occasion when asked by a friend how my second son got his name, I forgot to recognize him for naming my second son. I knew he was getting upset with me. I went on my knees and begged him to forgive me and not to hit me. I knew it was futile because whenever his anger builds up – it needed to finish off by physically beating the children or myself. That occasion, he punched me on right eye till the blood vessels were busted. It left me with a swollen, bruised eye the next week. I begged my relative not to report this incident for fear that any report of this will further anger him.

My mom died when I was twelve years old. I never knew about rights as a woman. To me a broken marriage is such a disgrace and shame that I would prefer to tolerate my situation than to have people gossip my failure in keeping a family.

When I was five months pregnant with my second son, he would slap me so hard that I fell down the stairs. It is only by God’s grace that the child inside my womb was not hurt.

In the park, he would slap me in public. It was so hard that even the clips on my hair flew. No one knows when his temper would ignite. But when it comes, it cannot stop until the abuse is completed.

One night past twelve midnight I was already asleep. He would wake me up and slapped me. He would do the same to my two boys. My oldest son said to one counsellor that he had been beaten more than forty times. He said that he had tasted the worst of pain and the only thing left was death.

This had gone on for twenty-three years for me. Until 2001 when I saw how he hit my daughter’s head. It was so hard, hitting five times in a minute. I thought her head would be dislocated. I told him I could no longer take it, and as always, he said I was free to divorce him. I couldn’t because I had nowhere to go. My family is all I have. In whatever state or condition, it is still a family.

I didn’t know where to go for support. Some of my friends knew, but they left me alone because they did not know how to handle it. My church was unaware of this abuse that had been going on in my family. They had given him the position of eldership, treasurer and also pulpit ministry.

In 1999 I started having severe shakes every time he started yelling. He yells all the time, morning noon and night, yells at everyone in the house. These shakes went on for two years. I couldn’t control it, couldn’t stop it. Sometimes it frightened me and I would cry in despair. In 2001 I couldn’t feel the left side of my body. My friend called for help. I was taken to the hospital and tested for heart stroke.

The doctor said that my heart was perfectly well and that I had experienced a trauma and half my body shut down. He said I had either experienced a homicide scene or it was a severe marital trauma. The latter was true. That day, I said to my daughter that I do not think I could live past Christmas. My body was dying on me and I had no control of anything. This was March 2001.

The Refuge Center For Battered Women had offered me an alternative accommodation. I had preferred to be relocated to another country where I knew more friends. With the help of my church, within one month, I moved.

It has been two years now. God had brought much healing to me spiritually and physically. I am now divorced and happy to be released from years of fears and abuse. My daughter was twelve when we moved. I am glad to be able to give her a normal life and in a way, feel sorry for my two boys who have lived in such traumatic situation for 17-18 years of their lives. May God have mercy on them and help them overcome the past and grow as normal children.

I hope this testimony would encourage women in the same situation as I, to come out and seek help as soon as possible.

Sharon

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